Intern: Toilet Expert/Plumbing Specialist

Let's say you are the proud owner of a new house. This house you've bought with your money is a wonderful, wonderful house. Your car fits, like in other houses, squarely into your garage. You have those vibrant yellow curtains you've dreamed of for years. You even have that couch that looks like it swallows you into a heavy slumber. The house is everything you could have imagined, except - Oh. Oh no. The toilets are not connected. They don't flush... They don't even have water in them. The good news is that you have options. You can: A) Make your stinks in a bucket and toss it in the woods. Not desirable, but it will only put you out the cost of a bucket; B) You can hire a professional to install the toilet properly. Wow-wee! Working toilets seem like such a luxury. Very expensive. So, what if I told you there was a third option.

What if I told you that there are fledgling professionals out there, desperate to make it as a plumber? They're out there constantly on cooljobs.com and deperateforwork.net looking and looking and looking for someone to hire them. They want the one toilet that'll change their life so bad, sometimes they'll even hook up toilets for ~*FREE*~. All you have to do is tell these sweet young suckers that you are offering an INTERNSHIP in toilet repair. You need a SUPERSTAR TOILET INTERN (unpaid) to help you with your house. You offer to take them into your home, and teach them about toilet repair. Of course, you don't actually need to teach them anything about toilet repair because, for some reason, they paid to go to school for toilet repair and, whoa, they already know how to repair a toilet. To ensure this, all you have to do is require 2-3 years of toilet related experience in the job description. Now the benefits of Option C are endless. Not only will you have this third Mario brother all to yourself, but you can also have them perform other tasks like chimney sweeping, kitchen cleaning, and coffee roasting. You get to have them as a personal assistant for months, all without pay.

The point is, toilet repair, cleaning, chores - these tasks are all beneath you, the great great homeowner. Plus you've already spent money on a house! You shouldn't have to spend anymore, it's just not fair! You're busy, and you're short for time. You deserve to avoid defecating in a bucket. You deserve a service you can't or won't perform. You deserve free labor. You deserve an intern.